Journalists are an odd bunch. But as frantic, tired and weirdly obsessed with the inner workings of local councils as we seem to others; we look even stranger to each other.
Each tribe of journalist has its own stereotype that all other hacks secretly associate with them. Stereotypes like:
Otherwise known as the teleporter. And yet they never find the time to shave. This fast-talking scruff-ball somehow manages to sniff out a story, bag the exclusive interview that everyone and their dog is working on and have it published, all before you can say: “Breaking news”. Every. Damn. Time. You can also guarantee they’ll get that promotion you are so deserving of instead of you. Maybe they can use the raise to buy a razor.
No sane person is happy staring down the lens of a camera for eight hours a day. Not the good ol’ Narcissist, though. They probably record it and take it home to watch on repeat while they’re having dinner. You’ve never seen someone look so plucked and primed 24/7. Meanwhile, you’ve caught onto the secret that your hair starts cleaning itself eventually if you don’t wash it. So the joke’s on them.
The Snake charmer
Step foot into any food/drink/beauty/fashion event and there they’ll be – surrounded by a flock of squawking PRs. Caked in free sample makeup and dressed in clothes they charmed their way into, the Snake Charmer remains cool, calm and collected while the PRs clamber over each other for a chance to get to use their best hack chat-up lines. When the Snake Charmer has had enough of being fawned over, they leave with enough beauty products to fill an entire chemical factory.
Investigative journos are elusive. It is one of the simple facts of life. While the rest of society is degenerating into a narcissistic deluge of sex, drugs, corruption and scandal, you can be sure the Shapeshifter is lurking right behind you, taking copious amounts of notes. Only you don’t even know it, because they have nabbed themselves one of Harry Potter’s invisibility cloaks on the sly. Clever buggers.